Apple Bobber

He seems to have it all, he opens the door, you ordered the lobster. Things are going great, you are on his couch. He is pushing your hair behind your ear and telling you how beautiful you are.

And before you know it... he does the unimaginable: the head guide.
The last time you bobbed for apples was 4th grade. You know where it is - you weren't there for a reason. When a guy pushes your head south of the mason dickson line - LEAVE - GET. THE. HELL. OUT. Get home as fast as you can and mouthwash!

Signs: She'll Break Your Bank

She wants breakfast in bed
You want breakfast and head
It's Sunday morning
You spent Friday at the movies
Saturday at a bar
And now this bitch wants Sunday brunch?!
(I thought Mimosa was a museum)

Most Eligible Phallus

Watch Gosling's Phallus in Action!

Symmetrical Face: Check
Photoshopped Body: Check
Seeing Noah Calhoun break up a New York City fight: Priceless
Panties dropped
Joystick erect

Vexed in the city

Vexed in the city, are you a jaded new yorker? You'll get this.

Your weekly dose of: Is this really fucking happening to me?

Week 1: Me, myself and Irene - The Tease
You thought you were gonna get laid all week long, you planned for it. You got candles, you bought batteries, you bought the beer, you even bought protection. Some went to home depot for their wood. Then the bitch got depressed and never came and neither did we. Silver lining, have enough batteries to do it better myself next time.

Advice to all hurricanes: Pick a better name, I would rather get fucked by a Bianca than an Irene.